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:: Abd Al Mustafa's Corner ::

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miseries of a tableeghi’s wife

Posted by Abd Al Mustafa on Saturday 9th June, 2007

He does not practice as a doctor anymore. He is giving every minute of his time to the Jamaat. I had to find work to support my two children. And for this effort of mine, I was beaten up badly AGAIN! He said that there is NO need for me to work, as we must have our faith and “tawakkul” on Allah, and Allah will provide us with food! That’s what his “Hazrat” told him. [..read on..]

I must say, there are some things said in this article which i clearly do not agree with it being published, but can also see that it was coming from a very angry person.

A Brother from SA says; ……………when this lady wrote this letter…she was understandbly angry also note from the above letter you can see that her knowledge of Islam was limited however her anger was correctly directed at the jamaat that turned her  kind compassionate husband into a wife beater…

The above story is one of a woman who was brave enough to speak out…….there are thousands of others like her who live under oppression…….I dont remember learning about Islam……..where men left wives, children & other family members for 1 year + …….travelled the world & came back home & said they went out in the path of Allah (not for Jihad) but they went house to house knocking on doors & saying that Our Beloved s.a.w. is dead (Naoozibillah) & then you hear people saying…….”.Oh Look At So & So…….What a sacrifice he made……he went out in the path of Allah for one year….no family….no frends…….what an example for the youth”……..All that is nonsense!! & while everyone is praising him…..they automatically forget about his wife…children & what they must have gone through for the past year without a father & husband.

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3 Responses to “miseries of a tableeghi’s wife”

  1. Anonymous sister said

    Asalaamu alaikum brother
    I stumbled upon your post about the unhappy Tabliqi wife through the tag surfer on my WordPress blog. InshaAllah I will check out your site more as well.
    I just wanted to let you know that the woman’s story is not an uncommon one. It is not the original intent of the TJ movement, I am sure, but it is the way that it has become propogated here in the U.S. Allahu alim.
    When I first converted, my brother and his wife were part of the TJ movement. I attended only one gathering, because few allow for women to attend anyway. It was a horrible affair and I was mistreated by several sisters, including the hostess. I also watched as other well-meaning sisters, there for the pleasure of Allah, to learn and to bond with their sisters, were publicly ridiculed for their lack of knowledge of Arabic, criticized for their dress, etc. Of course, this is how women can sometimes be and may we all improve upon our behavior to our fellow sisters for the pleasure of Allah.
    But through my brother’s experience, and from meeting a few sisters affected by their husband’s involvement, I have seen that the misapplication of the TJ movement can be devastating. I know of a sister who experienced just what the other sister you posted about described. Her husband left for a three month jummat, and the landlord came around saying that he had only paid one month of rent in advance. She didn’t have food to feed their four children, none of which were even hers! She went out to find work and when he returned she was beaten and divorced, and gossip went out around the community that she had other men in the house while he was gone (allahu alim, I don’t know if that was true or not, but it shouldn’t have been speculated and discussed by the community anyway). Another sister that my brother’s wife knew and they helped to care for was divorced by her husband when he returned from the Jummat because she had left the home “without permission” to take their infant son to the hospital in a most dire emergency, from which they were blessed that the baby had survived.
    It was seeing things like this that caused my brother to talk with his shaykh about whether he should even continue to be involved with the movement. He continues to go out only on weekend jummats, about twice a year. Even with those, they sometimes come to my side of the state and he hopes to come to visit his family. Alas, he is not always given permission to do so, but when he does, it is permitted for him to visit only my parents (I go to their house to see him), and only for one to two hours at the most. He is required to take two brothers with him, and they are not always the most accomodating or polite to my mother, who goes to extreme worry to ensure that she is serving them food and that everything is halal (and who was spoken of as if she wasn’t even there for daring to serve Coke products). I remain in a separate room and do not even get to enjoy my brother’s company because even though I wear niqab, it would not be proper for me to sit in the company of the other brothers. My brother and parents are not allowed to simply visit and enjoy each other’s brief company, the other brothers present take the opportunity to make “daw’ah” to my parents. Not only is this not comfortable to my parents, but in some cases it is even done in ill-mannered ways (such as the Coke incident becoming a lecture on the politics of friendliness with the Jews and a reminder that the Prophet salalahi alahi wa salaam did not drink colas so it is an innovation, etc.). Every move my son makes is scrutinized, and I have had to instruct him on exactly how to serve the brothers visiting so that they will have less to condemn my brother for later. Upon their return to the larger Jummat group at the mosque, they are asked to give a full public accounting of their visit and my brother is questionned and criticized for every possible wrong that are not even his wrongs!
    Another thing that my brother participated in was visiting local brothers to offer daw’ah and assistance to them. What the sessions actually are is entering a brother’s home, insisting that his wife and children not bother them, and then asking the brother how he is doing, seeming to be concerned and cordial. If a brother is struggling in any way, their guidance is that it is because his iman is not strong enough and he is failing in his deen. They attempt to push the brother to join the Jummat with them, that leaving immediately to come with them and to stay with them for a few days, a week, more and go with them as they continue their travels is what he really needs in order to set himself right with Allah. They will look around the room and try to find anything that they deem “haram” to say that is why he is experiencing difficulties: because he has allowed a television into the home, or because his kids are unruly (if they can hear them in the other part of the apartment) or because they found Tylenol in his bathroom cabinet and this is proof that he is taking medication rather than relying upon Allah, etc.
    SubhanAllah, I do not believe that this was the original intent of the TJ movement, for it to be used in this way for brothers to go around acting like thugs. My brother and I have a theory that one reason it is as it is, at least locally, is because many of the brothers involved come from a street-thug background before they converted, and they have just given up one extreme for the other, but their basic personality has not changed. Another thing is that as far as we can tell they do not sit at the feet of any scholar, they do not have an actual learned shaykh or imam with them or that they consult. So they are pretty much making things up as they go based on their own limited understanding of Qur’an, hadith etc. And of course when we try to do that, we know that we are going to make errors in our understanding of things, if we have no guidance from someone who has actually studied such things with those of knowledge.
    A part of me is glad that you took the post down, because I don’t like that “outsiders” should see us airing our dirty laundry and judge Muslims based on these internal problems. And of course, you would be cautious to not put something up as “fact” without knowing if it is even true, or if true only an isolated incident. But I think that internally, as Muslims, we need to discuss these things together and look for solutions together. I don’t know whether the woman’s story was true, but I do know that it was not an isolated “rare” occurence. It would be good for those in the TJ movement to hear of these types of cases so that they can reform within themselves. I’m sure most do not have this type of experience, so they don’t know that it is going on, or if they hear of it they dismiss it as one over-zealous brother or small group.
    Anyway, I just wanted to share with you. Thank you for “listening”.
    Your sister,
    You may want to specify though that my experience is in the U.S. (as I realized reading more of your blog that you are in Britain and the make up of the Tabliq movement may be completely different there. I understand that the movement is a South Asian/Pakistani movement, but in my locality it is primarily converts, and with a heavy amount of African Americans, that adhere to it). <strong>Also, when I originally wrote to you, I had only read what you posted on your blog. Afterwards, when I read the complete story of the sister in question, I found much of what she had to say offensive. Granted, she is obviously angry and has suffered, but she doesn’t seem particularly knowledgeable about Islam and as if this has turned her away from wanting to know the Truth. Some of her references are saddening, such as saying that if your husband comes home with a beard and in sunnah clothing, you should be afraid, or that when he expects you to wear hijab that is a warning. Perhaps the reason that her husband was so suceptible to an extreme form of practice was because they had not been meeting up to the bare minimum previously, and it can be a challenge to find the balance of moderation. The author unfortunately mocks at aspects that are real and honorable parts of Islam because they were not what she previously knew or desired.
    My intention is not to degrade practicing traditional Muslims, as I am one myself. The original intent of the TJ movement to revive our knowledge of the deen and bring us into more practice and application of Islam in our lives is a noble cause. The problem that I see is in the misapplication and bullying nature that I have witnessed the movement (again, I can only speak to what I have witnessed locally) take on.</strong>

  2. your balanced comments are appreciated. even though it is only a minority of tablighi’s who behave this way, it is still the behaviour of a high number of them and is common among tablighi’s everywhere whether in USA or UK or even the indo-pak region. BUT we shan’t go around condemning all tablighi’s for the behaviour of a few, or rather we won’t go round condemning all deobandies for the behaviour of the tablighies. unlike tablighi’s who actually do condemn others for the errors of a few.

  3. Mohammed A. Ali said

    *****************************************

    [Abd Al Mustafa] – seriously! your post is too long. i’m sure there are many external parts of the TJ that are full of goodness, but let’s stick to what is being discussed in the post.

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